These are words I wrote two years ago when I was attempting to start a prayer journal or things that my faith had been convicted by. I didn't get far with the journal. I realized it seemed impossible to write all of my prayers down - people close, people far, people oppressed around the world, myself, my marriage, my kids. I didn't know where to start and where to end. It was something I wanted to do to remember to sit down and actually pray for people who I had told I would pray for. So many times you see people comment on tragic events of others with a "thoughts and prayers being sent your way" or something along those lines. I knew I was supposed to be praying for and about everything, but I ultimately still wanted to be in control. I wanted the credit when things went well. But when they didn't or don't (I still struggle with this, obviously!) if we're being honest, I wanted to be upset at God about it. If I'm worrying about something, it just means I haven't fully handed it over. Soon, this notebook, as all my notebooks do, turned into a place to make my lists! I love lists - grocery lists, things to do lists, things to remember lists. When it was completely filled up, all the pages used, about a month ago, I decided to go back through and look if there was any unfinished business on those lists and pages before throwing it out, and boy, was there ever. Hello! Guess what the only list I never made in there was? Yep. A list of prayers. I did stumble upon a couple of pages, this being one that was pretty amazing. I need to read this everyday, but I also need to remember to take my own advice and pray. Not because God needs to know my problems; He knows my problems before I do. I need to pray and love unconditionally because that is when He reveals himself to me. That is when I can see His blessings and answers to my prayers. People (read: I) get frustrated with God when he doesn't answer, but how can you get an answer when you never asked a question? You won't see God's glory if you're too busy worrying about something you should've just handed over to begin with. I can think back to the context in which I wrote these words. To see how God has blessed me and my faith since I wrote those words is absolutely amazing.
I started a new prayer journal and hope I will keep with it, and God give me strength to not be overwhelmed by the words I bring to Him. And while giving the gift of prayer to others is so important for others and your own soul, accepting and asking for prayer is equally so. Asking for prayer from anyone else shows humility. Instead of puffing out my chest in pride or assuming it isn't something God will or can help me with, it's humbling to remember that. I have an amazing friend who whenever I mention (complain) about something, she says, "I'll pray for you." My knee-jerk reaction is What?! Why?! No, don't talk to God about that; that's just me complaining. A-ha! Isn't that the answer to my grievance, then? If it's that ridiculous, isn't it time to let it go or let it be? And for the other times, I humbly accept her prayers over me with no strings attached. Just love and grace.
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