Love

Last week I was reflecting on all of the things I am thankful for.  I realized that I am most grateful for the things I find myself easily taking for granted– food to eat, clothes to wear, house to clean, and kids to love.  Ultimately, all of these blessings come from the grace of God.  But, for me personally, they come from the one I usually take most for granted, the one who gives the most and takes the least – my gracious husband, Jeremy.  As we celebrated our anniversary this week, I am even more overwhelmed with appreciation as I recognize I couldn’t and wouldn’t have gotten through the last year without him.  The only other who has been through exactly what I have.  One year ago from today, I remember so well how content I felt.  There was nothing I wanted more than the things I had.  I remember it because it’s the feeling I’ve spent the last year trying to feel again.  This year has had the lowest of lows as I’ve searched for and questioned my purpose in this life.  There have been days my heart feels so broken I wasn’t sure if I could ever be happy again.  But, looking back now, it showed me what true happiness and contentedness is made of.  I see now the feeling I was looking to feel again was simply love. 

I used to always question Paul’s assertion in 1 Corinthians 13:13 about love being the greatest.  I thought that love is great and all, but faith is most important.  He says, “If I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” Why is that, though?  If you have to have faith in Jesus to enter heaven, then why and how is that not the greatest?  This year I finally got it. 

“For God so LOVED the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” 

There it is.  Belief in the gospel of Jesus Christ is centered on both our need for a Savior and God’s want to save us.  But why did God want to save us?  Because He loves us.  In John 3:16 Jesus tells us that.  Love is a word that gets watered down more often than not.  We use the word “love” in as many contexts as we use the word “hate”, which is sad.  I love cheeseburgers.  I hate that color.  I love this weather.  I hate this traffic.  And so on and so on.  Love and hate are extremes, but most all people use them in a passive sense.  It’s just another way to describe something.  So when we talk about God loving the world and sending his only Son, the idea seems just as vague as our love of food or weather or whatever.  But God’s love isn’t that superficial.  It isn’t a description.  And to understand this love is why God blesses us.  I wouldn’t be able to fully understand it if I didn’t have, first, my husband, second, my kids, and then everything else.  God shows me firsthand, presently, what love is through my marriage.  I will learn more about what grace is from this man than anything else, I’m sure.  Back to 1 Corinthians 13 – a few years ago, I used to have this written on my bathroom mirror and would try to read it with my name in place of the word “love”, because that is who and how I want to be.  I wanted to be love and show love.  After a few months of struggling with it, I finally erased it.  I just couldn’t be all of those things and decided to just focus on one word at a time.  Patience.  Perseverance.  Humility.  Calm.  Who could be all of those things at once? 

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”

When I read it again this year, I heard it describing two people in my life now.  First, the obvious one, Jesus, of course.  The less obvious one that I’d never noticed before – my husband.  I get to enjoy so many things because of him.  I am warm and dry in a home he provides for us.  I get to spend every second of every day at home with our kids while he goes to work.  I can feel safe – emotionally and physically – with him.  I have a best friend I get to live with, share my day with, to laugh and cry with, to just be with.  He’s the most wonderful, faithful father to our children.  Nothing melts my heart like hearing him say bedtime prayers with them.  I could never be all of those things, but he loves me anyway.  Today, I can unequivocally say he is the type of man I want my daughters to marry someday.  I hope they, and everyone else, gets to experience this kind of love in their life, so they can translate it to their faith in God.   I can know our marriage, although it isn’t perfect and never will be, is the biggest blessing in my life because it is how God is with me everyday, showering me with love and grace.  I can understand exactly why God would send his Son to save the world.  Because of love - this kind of love!  I hope that no matter what happens – good or bad, easy or hard, happy or sad, life or death – God continues to bless our marriage and our life and our family we’ve created together.  So what am I thankful for?  Love.

Happy anniversary, Jeremy.  Thanks for loving me through this year and never giving up on me, even when I gave up on myself.