Two months

My name is Shonni.  I am a stay-at-home-mom to four fabulous kids, except as some of you may know, one of my babies is in Heaven now.  By the grace of God, my children, my husband, and myself were brought to faith in Jesus.  After the loss of our son, Luke, two months ago to the date, the overwhelming tone of those around us was concern and helplessness.  Everyone seemed to feel helpless, probably because in reality they were.  So I felt, and even still feel, very empathetic, and I want to tell everyone, I am fine.  Well, some days I’m not.  But, I do trust that I will be.  The reason I believe that – and, I mean the only reason I believe that – is simple.  Jesus.  I don’t always get it right.  I’m a sinner just like everyone else, and whether I want to believe it or not, my sweet, innocent, smiling baby boy was also full of sin, being born to sinful parents into a sinful world.  We all deserved God’s wrath and punishment.  Pretty depressing, right?  BUT, God sent His only son to conquer life, sin, death, earth, and hell.  He did it for me, for Luke, for you, and for everyone.  Jesus is for EVERYONE!  Amazing.  So amazing, yet we forget, ignore, and sometimes reject the words that man spoke so clearly.  So amazing, yet we don’t trust the power of the actions that man took so deliberately.  So amazing, yet we doubt or distort His perfect Word – the Bible.   So amazing, yet some people refuse to believe any of it at all.  Those are the people I desperately want to reach.  I want everyone to remember, recognize, trust, and freely accept Jesus as their Savior so that we may all enter the kingdom of God, just as Luke did.  I’m no saint, anyone who knows me knows I say and do the wrong things everyday, just ask my husband. ;)  That is a tough pill to swallow, wake up the next day, only to fall short and screw up that day, too.  But I even named my daughter Grace so I wouldn’t forget that I can’t do anything without God’s grace.  Jesus said: “In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

So, as I stated, I am not a saint.  I am not a preacher.  I am not even a writer.  I am just an ordinary, imperfect mother, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter, friend, stranger.  But, I am a voice.  God gave me all of my blessings and woes and brought me to this place.  (Did I mention I was adopted?!) I don’t think He did all of this for me to be silent.  He has put it in my mind and on my heart to share with others the glory of the place my son and His son call home.  I pray to overcome the fears I have in doing so – fear of being judged by others, fear of losing friends, fear of upsetting someone, fear of being wrong, fear of committing to writing at all.  I will pray that someone who doesn’t believe or is distant from what they believe will possibly read what I write and feel drawn closer to God.  I pray that I will read what I write and feel drawn closer to God.  I will pray for God to open my heart and help me heal and receive His unconditional love and grace, so that I may give unconditional love and grace to everyone in my life as well.

In this day and age, I feel like others fear speaking their faith openly and freely because they are scared of being persecuted.  They know, just as I know, that they are and I am not perfect.  People who want to hate what I am saying are going to judge and criticize my life, my imperfections and shortcomings.  I’m not going to lie, I fear my husband reading what I write.  I fear him criticizing me trying to talk about “living for Christ” after having a meltdown over how he loaded the dishwasher.  But all I can do is pray.  Pray for him to forgive me – again and again.  Pray for patience next time, because there will be a next time.  Pray to thank God that He and he will still forgive me and there will be a next time until my sinful temper is soothed. 

I don’t aim to convert anyone to Christianity - only the Spirit can do that.  I just aim to see you in Heaven.  If I said I could give you a free trip to Disney World, would you say no? Heaven is like Disney World without the lines – and the admission isn’t paid in money but in faith.  At least consider the invitation.

I’m sorry in advance if any of the things I say offend you or you disagree with.  I invite anyone’s criticism and comments, but first, please do me a favor and pray about it.  My email is shonni.johnson@gmail.com

Thanks for reading, and God loves you!